this is funny .

[Ballhawk]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rE0-ek6MZA&feature=relmfu

["RIVERS"]

Well it's not funny...but it's effective. You gotta know magic tricks---best 'icebreaker' in the world.


Here is an example of fine 'magic' (use this in a bar setting,  I guarantee you have sex...possibly with yourself, but you WILL have sex)---




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0t6yilFoM98

[catman]

I found this "gem" a couple of days ago:
'Circumcised' (this is priceless!)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.

He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his 'private part' hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mum!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she'd come and pick me up from school.

[Rick]

That's funny!

[Rick]

----- Original Fire Department
 One dark night in the small town in Garfield, NJ,
a fire started inside the local Sausage factory.
In a blink , the building was engulfed in flames.
The alarm went out to all the  Fire  Departments
for miles around.

When the first Volunteer fire fighters appeared
on the scene, the  Sausage company  President
rushed to the  Fire Chief and said ...'All of our secret   Sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the  Fire  Company  that brings them out and delivers them to me.'

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more  Fire  Departments had to be called in
because the situation became desperate. As the Firemen arrived, the President's offer to
extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000
to the Fire department that could save them.
Suddenly from up the road, a  lone siren was heard
as another fire truck came into sight. It was the
fire engine of nearby Lodi, NJ ; the volunteer
fire department composed mainly of Italian
firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, the little run-down
fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters,
passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and
drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement
as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to
fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their
own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old-timers
had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.

The grateful Sausage company President joyfully
announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment
he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked
over to personally thank each of the brave elderly
Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event
on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief ... 'What are you going to do with all that money?'   
 
'Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luccinelli,
the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de fursta tinga we gonnna
do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck !!!

[catman]

Good one. 

[catman]

In a "right of passage", all men, over 21, of a particular family walk across a lake on Father's Day.  Grandpa steps out onto the water and walks slowly across the lake, making it to the opposite shore without any difficulty.  Father follows with similar results.  The 21 year old son steps out and immediately falls in over his head.  Father and grandpa rescue the son, getting him to the shore and grandpa says to father, "Maybe we should show him where the stones are?"

[catman]

And another one.
A group of high school seniors decide to play a prank on their school the last day of classes.  They bring 3 goats into the school.  On the first goat, they painted a #1, on the 2nd, a #2 and on the 3rd, a #4.  The school administration spent the entire day looking for goat #3.

["RIVERS"]

And another one.
A group of high school seniors decide to play a prank on their school the last day of classes.  They bring 3 goats into the school.  On the first goat, they painted a #1, on the 2nd, a #2 and on the 3rd, a #4.  The school administration spent the entire day looking for goat #3.

Hey 'Cats' in serious?...man I hope your feeling better. At the end of my day, when I talk to God-- I mention You, 'some guy on the Internet' AKA 'Catman' . I know you will recover and have no need for me anymore...good.

[catman]

I'm feeling much better than I was, but am not back to 100% yet.  Amazing what 4 hours of surgery takes out of a body.