Remembering Rivers

[Blutarsky]

Rivers, also known as Rivers-Beta, or dickwad to his closest friends, was born to a disappointed mother and father somewhere between 1970 and 1990. 

Known for his wide-ranging musical interests and overuse of hyphens, he also succeeded in childish outbursts and incoherent ramblings that some said; "were almost an art form."

Born in Massachusetts, his parents moved to the state of California where his abnormality wouldn't be noticed as much.  When their new neighbors complained to the local authorities, they moved again and changed their names, leaving the young Rivers with a modest stipend and no forwarding address for their new whereabouts. 

This caused Rivers to become morose and introspective, although those closest to him said it was, in fact, his introspection which caused his sullenness and not the other way around.  One therapist said:  "It's a hard thing to look in the mirror and realize your only chance at redemption is in your total annihilation." 

In 1999, after a brief fling with his neighbor's goat, Rivers thought he'd found the girl of his dreams over the internet.  Unfortunately, his new love turned out to be a 39 year-old male cop in disguise, and he soon found himself handcuffed, beaten, and disgraced, by the very person he'd shared his most intimate and emotionally disturbed feelings with.

Incarcerated and traumatized, he spent six months behind bars before he was allowed back into the general population again.  Bent, but not broken, he tried to resume his old life and relationships, but was disheartened when he realized he didn't have any relationships in the outside world. 

It was at this time he sought help for Capgras Syndrome, a rare illness whereby the sufferer believes their significant other is actually being impersonated by an imposter.   After 4 long years of intensive psycho-therapy, he was finally made to realize his significant other (the cop he'd fallen in love with), was not, in fact, an imposter, but was simply trying to ignore him.   He was even shown the restraining order by the authorities. 

It was at this point his personality fragmented, which manifested itself in his overuse of the hyphen, and his having long, mundane conversations with himself over the internet.  Naturally, he was ridiculed.  Sometimes, even by himself. 

Then, one day, he disappeared. 

[Poe]

Rivers, also known as Rivers-Beta, or dickwad to his closest friends, was born to a disappointed mother and father somewhere between 1970 and 1990. 

Known for his wide-ranging musical interests and overuse of hyphens, he also succeeded in childish outbursts and incoherent ramblings that some said; "were almost an art form."

Born in Massachusetts, his parents moved to the state of California where his abnormality wouldn't be noticed as much.  When their new neighbors complained to the local authorities, they moved again and changed their names, leaving the young Rivers with a modest stipend and no forwarding address for their new whereabouts. 

This caused Rivers to become morose and introspective, although those closest to him said it was, in fact, his introspection which caused his sullenness and not the other way around.  One therapist said:  "It's a hard thing to look in the mirror and realize your only chance at redemption is in your total annihilation." 

In 1999, after a brief fling with his neighbor's goat, Rivers thought he'd found the girl of his dreams over the internet.  Unfortunately, his new love turned out to be a 39 year-old male cop in disguise, and he soon found himself handcuffed, beaten, and disgraced, by the very person he'd shared his most intimate and emotionally disturbed feelings with.

Incarcerated and traumatized, he spent six months behind bars before he was allowed back into the general population again.  Bent, but not broken, he tried to resume his old life and relationships, but was disheartened when he realized he didn't have any relationships in the outside world. 

It was at this time he sought help for Capgras Syndrome, a rare illness whereby the sufferer believes their significant other is actually being impersonated by an imposter.   After 4 long years of intensive psycho-therapy, he was finally made to realize his significant other (the cop he'd fallen in love with), was not, in fact, an imposter, but was simply trying to ignore him.   He was even shown the restraining order by the authorities. 

It was at this point his personality fragmented, which manifested itself in his overuse of the hyphen, and his having long, mundane conversations with himself over the internet.  Naturally, he was ridiculed.  Sometimes, even by himself. 

Then, one day, he disappeared. 

That guy sounds like a real dweeb.  Glad I don't know him.